There is an on-going debate about whether women can ‘have it all’

It’s been well contemplated by Anne-Marie Slaughter , Sheryl Sandberg and Helena Morrissey amongst many others.

I’ve heard various responses to the question, like:

• You can have it all, but not all at the same time
• It depends what you define ‘it all’ as
• and there’s no way you can have it all, something’s got to give!

I was recently invited to attend the BBC 100 Debates with my husband. I was invited because I speak and write on the topic of women being the main earner in their home and they wanted to have a breadth of debate on relationships.

As I sat in a room with a diverse group of people in terms of race, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, religion and attitude, discussing whether relationships could work when women were successful, I became acutely conscious of our privilege.

The privilege to have the debate in the first place, when research shows that in some countries and cultures, when women are the main earner speaking on the topic would result in domestic abuse.

The privilege of choice around work, relationships and our partners, choices that we judge each other for, but are still very free in the most part to make.

The privilege to be in a warm studio, with full bellies, not destitute wondering where our next meal would come from.

The privilege of education, so that we could articulate ourselves clearly and be understood by others.

One person said that it was all about choices and another said that choices were the problem. Perhaps the multitude of choices we have blind us to the fact, that we are privileged to have the choices in the first place.

I don’t mean this, in a ‘aren’t we lucky to be where we are, so accept the scraps that are given to us’ way, but more how can we be content, while still striving? And how can we help those who really don’t have the privilege that we do? These people are often not part of the debate, they are: making ends meet, avoiding life threatening situations and making do.

You see I have found the secret to having it all, it’s to realise I already do.

If we all did this, perhaps we could try to help someone who really doesn’t.

My mission is to transform the world for everyone, one empowered woman at a time. I use my years of experience in coaching and leadership to inspire and motivate people, working with them to deliver career and life changing results beyond expectation. Find out more at www.rockingyourrole.com